1)Husband : I divorced my wife on the first night.
Friend : Why??
Husband : I saw the label on her
panties. "Tested OK by Ramlal & Sons"
Friend : How did u know??
Husband : twice when i got home i saw her having bath with the security guard.
3)The nurse was taking a blood sample from patient. She held his finger and squeezed for the blood. So the patient laughed.
Nurse : Why did u laugh?
Patient : after this is the urine test.
4)Husband and wife having dinner together,
Wife : Darling, tell me something that would make me both happy and sad.
Husband : Your
nipples are better than your sister's!
5)On the first night of the marriage, the husband gives the wife $500 and says
"I have never done this for free"
Wife returns $200 and says,
"I have not charged more than this before."